Sweet Surrender

I might have been listening to far too much Sarah Mclachlan so do be warned. My husband and I are rounding the month to our seven year anniversary. That in and of itself seems to be reason for celebration. Add to that the lifestyle that we have lived for those seven years and it might make ones eyes cross. I have often talked about the life that we live in water analogies. Specifically drowning. Now you have to know that I have twice almost drown and it really is like they say. You feel the need to fight and then all of a sudden that need to fight passes and all is peaceful. I know that sounds like a terrible analogy but just humor me for a minute. I have fought the feeling of needing to work, produce and or be on a larger scale for effecting change. I have fought the loneliness and tiredness that come inherently in my position as a wife of a man who has to travel more than we would like. I have fought the need to defend myself and my husband for what we do or do not do and what we do or do not believe. Yesterday I had this rush while driving to the store. Just a normal errand, a normal day, nothing special or spectacular except for this rush. For lack of a better way to describe it, my spirit hit the sweet surrender. A few weeks ago I might have described it as losing the will to fight or total apathy, but today I really feel like it was more of an active surrender. Surrender to my life, just as it is. A sort of blurry bliss that can only be created by knowing that everything is going to be okay. Not perfect, but better than good. I am a minivan driving mom of two with an amazing husband who is able to keep our family together whether he is physically here or not. It isn't apathy. I really think it is serenity. There is a fine line between the two but I choose to believe that this is sweet and full in nature rather than dark and empty. Okay before you think I have gone off the deep end, I'll sign off. What's so bad about going off the deep end though?