I'm too sexy for my clothes

For those of you who don't know, that is from a song that pops into my head out of nowhere every once in a while and I just can't help but do a little "turn on the catwalk" when it does. Since I've given away all of the good news for this week I figured I'd paint a picture of the glamorous life of pregnant me.
4:45 am I sit in my fleece pajama bottoms and tank top watching really old re-runs of Saved By The Bell while eating cereal because my stomach feels like a geyser of acid. Why am I up at a quarter to 5 in the morning you might wonder. I have a new fun rash called PUPPS that happens only to pregnant women in their last trimester. It has allowed me 2 hours of sleep (2-4 am). It itches like the devil and just to make it's point clear it settles mostly in the stretch marks across my belly so that when I break down and itch, it hurts. At this point I am wishing that I could just carve the baby out with my pumpkin carving set. The doctor assures me that it will get worse by the day but that it disappears as soon as the baby is born. Thank goodness for her, cause she'll be hearing about it later.
I shower at 6 and lay back down hoping desperately to get some sleep. I sleep from 7-9am. Woohoo two more hours. Now my hair is standing on end cause I went to sleep with it wet. No one here to impress anyhow. :) Good thing because the smell of Gold Bond, which is one of the few things that helps soothe the rash, is overwhelming. I smell like a man. Some of you may not have the kind of man that uses the Gold Bond like it is going out of style. It is a potent medicated powder that smells, well just like Gold Bond.
Now I have to take my iron. I am mega dosing on iron because I have become anemic. I can't take my iron with any dairy products, in fact I am supposed to take it on an empty stomach and wait two hours before eating or taking antacids. This causes quite the volcanic feeling in my stomach and throat. The minute I can, I take Zantac, eat some crackers and try to settle the burning that was once my esophagus. I have also found a friend in Benefiber. No more details necessary on the need for fiber at a time like this. Duff comes home to have lunch with me. I eat what I can and take my prenatal vitamin. All the while in my pajamas cause they are the most comfortable thing on my rashy belly. I decide to get "dressed" which really means putting on my "public fleece" and a different tank top. Do you see the theme here? Tanks and fleece are the way to go in the NW. You can layer up and down as the hot flashes hit during the day with a quickness if you need. I do a bit of house work, type an e-mail or two and then wait for Duff to get home.
The evening brings another parade of medication, dietary restrictions and acid reflux. My nurse midwife joked that I need to get one of those weekly medication dividers (I think they are issued to you with your AARP card) but divide the pills by the hour because I have to take everything twice a day but nothing can be taken together. By the time we lay down to "go to sleep" I am so tired I could cry. No sleep for me. The belly begins to itch in a way that only old crunchy wool mixed with Fiberglas strapped to your body can. Another day closer to the due date. There is a light, I can see it, no that is just the sun rising. Soon, not soon enough, but soon I'll be back in my old clothes dancing around the house with no itchy belly.